Did you order pizza? We’re sorry, there’s no order here because… This! Is! ANARCHY PIZZAAAA!
Ok, I really just called it that because of how I cut it. And I really just cut it that way because I wanted to make one big pretty slice from the middle so I could take a picture. Then I thought a second about cutting a star shape but I changed my mind because I live in Arkansas and football season is about to start so I went for a big “A.” (By the way, if you eat a lot of this pizza, you’ll end up with a “big A” yourself.) But then as I started to take out the first section to chow on it, I realized the circle-shape really made it an “anarchy A,” so that’s just where we landed. Besides, Arkansas is the Hogs (Razorbacks) and I put beef on this particular pizza, so I will save that idea for when I have pepperoni (oink).
Let’s get to the part about making this thing. Your first time may take a little longer, but once you’ve practiced, the whole process should be about 20 minutes. This recipe is for two adult servings. Thanks supper & breakfast if you’re single like me.
INGREDIENTS
Le Dough…
- 1 1/2 cups plain greek yogurt
- 1 cup self-rising flour
- Another 1/2 cup of the same flour
- Olive oil – just drops,don’t measure yet .
Le Sauce…
(I hope you’re reading these headings in a French accent. No, I don’t care if pizza is Italian. America is a melting pot.)
- 2 tablespoons tomato paste
- 2 tablespoons pesto
Le Toppings…
- 1/4 lb ground beef
- 1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella
- 1 tablespoon cut onions, fresh or flake
Le Tools…
- Pizza/cookie pan
- 2 small pots or pans
- Stirring spoon for dough (rubber spatula or wooden or plastic spoon)
- Spatula/spoon for beef & sauce (wooden or plastic)
- Rolling pin (optional)
- Pastry brush or paper towel for olive oil
- Aluminum foil
- Oven mitt(s)
- Pizza cutter or sharp knife
VIVA LA INSTRUCTIONS
Really? That’s your French accent? Did you never watch Pepe LePew? Let’s move on.
Got all those greedy ants together? From up there? Great!
Turn the oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Phew! I’m glad my phone knows how to spell “Fahrenheit.”
Get a pizza/cookie sheet. I prefer round. Because pizza. Drip a dime-size drop of olive oil on the pan and spread it around with a pastry brush or a paper towel. Tip: if you get the paper towel wet first, you won’t soak the oil up into it. Tell pan to wait for you.
Get a mixing bowl about as big as your head. Splat the yogurt in there and poof a cup of flour in too. I wore an apron because of the poof. Stir it up with a spoon or one of those spatula things that frosts cakes. Or use whatever, but not your hands yet, because it will get too messy and you’ll start to feel like the Swamp Thing. As you stir, the mixture will come apart in sections and then come back together into a dough. Still, if you touch it with your hands or spoon, it’s a little sticky. Smush on it with your spoon until it’s all together. Now sprinkle some of the 1/2 cup flour just to cover the dough. Smash the dough down with your hand and fold it over itself. Sprinkle, smash and fold again. Keep doing this until it’s not sticky and you can roll it into a ball in your hands.
Now go back to your beautiful oily pan and put the dough ball in the middle. Smash it down to patty shape. If you have a rolling pin, grab it and roll out the dough from the middle. No pin? Keep smashing then until you have it flat enough for crust. If your edges fray, no worries. Just scootch them back together. They don’t have to be perfect.
Now put your crust in the oven for 7 minutes. This is because it won’t cook well enough if you wait until you have sauce and toppings on it. It would be droopy. We don’t want droopy.
Ok, put the beef in a small pan on medium. Put your onions with it. I did flakes because I don’t do onions often enough to really buy a whole one. Now put the tomato paste and pesto in a separate pan on medium. Stir, stir, stir the stuff in both pans and when the beef is done, the sauce will be too.
I hope you set a timer for that crust. Take it out but leave the oven on. Spread a 1/2 teaspoon of olive oil on the edge of the crust that will be your “handle” when you eat later. I used a pastry brush for this. Spread on the sauce with a knife or the back of a spoon. It will be thick, almost like peanut butter. Sprinkle a light layer of mozzarella on that. Drain your beef and sprinkle it on top evenly. Now glob the rest of that delicious cheese all over the top. Stick her back in the oven for 7 minutes.
Do you like bubbly, browned cheese? Get out a foil sheet and tear a hole in the middle. Make it the right size to jussst cover your crust. When the dinger dings, pull your pizza out and cover the crust with your holey foil, then crank the oven to BROIL and put the pizza back in for one minute. Don’t watch TV. Don’t go to the bathroom. Don’t walk away. Otherwise, you’ll torch this gem and your tummy will frown with 350 horsepower.
Ok take it out, cut it up whatever way your brain takes you, then disappear it with your face. No wait. Take a picture for the internet, then disappear it with your face. 🙂
shellicooks 